Weight of Everything Read online

  Ulric basked in the afterglow for as long as he could. He didn’t think something this perfect would happen again, Gage holding him as they caught their breaths together, Gage warm and ever so comfortable against Ulric’s back.

  So he pretended that this would go on forever, that Gage would continue to hold him like this, pressing soft kisses along his shoulder. It was such a glorious daydream.

  “Want my knot?” Gage murmured.

  Ulric’s heart missed a beat. “Yeah,” he said, just to prolong this moment. If Gage had somehow seen Ulric as an omega, or if he’d somehow seen Ulric as less for bottoming, then Ulric may as well be hung for a sheep.

  Gage growled, tightening his arms around Ulric, fitting his length deeper inside. His knot swelled, thick and heavy, stretching Ulric as it locked them together.

  Ulric loved being knotted. He loved that momentary closeness, he loved the feeling of belonging to someone. And it was better when he couldn’t see Gage’s expression, so he could continue pretending that everything was perfect.

  “Hey,” Gage murmured, stroking Ulric’s arm. “C’mon, get on the couch. It’ll be more comfy that way. I don’t wanna kneel this whole time.”

  Ulric wasn’t keen on spending the next half-hour on the floor, either. Slowly, he shuffled to his feet, Gage holding them snug together, their thighs bumping as they eased sideways onto the couch. With every movement, Gage’s knot tugged inside him, a warm, intimate pressure. Ulric flushed.

  “Lie on me,” Gage said, tugging gently on Ulric.

  “I don’t want to crush you.”

  Gage huffed. “You won’t.”

  He pulled Ulric back, so Ulric all but lay against his chest, Gage’s breath warm on his shoulder. In the dim glow of the TV, Ulric stared at Gage’s muscular arms around his belly, and his bare legs—he should’ve gotten a blanket to cover up. At least Gage couldn’t see much of Ulric’s skin.

  “You’re squeezing around me,” Gage murmured. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” Ulric wet his lips, beyond glad that Gage couldn’t see his face. Bad enough that Gage could feel what went on inside his body.

  But Gage stroked Ulric’s jaw with his fingers. “You’re upset about something.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Tell me.” Gage kissed his shoulder.

  Ulric’s face heated at that intimacy. “We’re still friends, right?”

  Gage was silent for a moment. “You want to be friends?”

  Ulric’s stomach dropped. Did Gage not want to be friends? “I—Yeah.”

  Gage trailed his fingers up Ulric’s side. Then he brushed his wrist along Ulric’s arm again, marking him with pine. Ulric’s face burned. He wished they were bondmates. He looked down at himself, and he didn’t feel proud of anything he saw.

  “I—I want to lose weight,” he blurted. In case there was a chance he could look better.

  Gage kissed his nape. “It’s not because of me, right? You’re perfect as you are.”

  Ulric prickled all over with embarrassment. “How can you say that? You see me, Gage—”

  “I see who you are inside.” Gage slid his palm over Ulric’s heart.

  “I’m not right,” Ulric blurted. “I’m not an omega. I’m not special or anything. All I am is just f—”

  Gage clapped his hand over Ulric’s mouth. “All you are, is adorable.”

  Ulric’s heart tumbled. “Why?”

  “Because.” Gage kissed his shoulder. “We could be more.”

  Ulric’s entire body froze up. “M-more?”

  Gage leaned to the side, trying to meet his eyes. “You don’t want to?”

  “You—You’re talking about being boyfriends. Us.”

  “Yeah.”

  Ulric tried to wrap his mind around that. He badly wanted to. But he was also afraid of Gage finding someone better, he was afraid of Gage breaking up with him. Gage’s “Notify me when this alpha becomes available” email waiting list had probably grown twice as long this past month.

  Even though his instincts told him to say yes, Ulric shook his head.

  “Okay,” Gage murmured. He held Ulric more tightly, kissing his spine. “But we’ll still do this? Is that okay with you?”

  “‘This’?”

  Gage reached down, running his fingertips lightly over Ulric’s cock. Pleasure whispered through his body.

  Ulric gulped, his face burning. Gage was touching him there again. “Yeah. Sure,” he choked. Like it hadn’t just made his entire week.

  “You don’t sound so excited about it,” Gage said dryly.

  “What, you thought I’d blow my load the moment you asked?”

  Gage laughed. “I thought you might.”

  Ulric squirmed, hating that he was so predictable. The moment Gage’s knot receded, he eased himself off, trying not to moan. Then he grabbed his pants and pulled it on so Gage wouldn’t have to see his bare ass. “I’m going to go work out.”

  Gage hummed. But his gaze slid over Ulric’s body, warm and... appreciative? Ulric wasn’t sure what had changed between them. “Need help with spotting?”

  Ulric wanted to prove that he could do this himself. So he shook his head, heading upstairs.

  If he exercised enough, if he lost enough weight... maybe he’d be good enough for Gage. Maybe he’d be alpha enough.

  Hope blossoming in his chest, he went to change into his exercise clothes.

  17

  New Arrangements

  A week later, Gage received a text from his brother: I lost my job.

  He stared at the message, his heart sinking. Wilkie had been struggling lately—they all were. Because of Debbie’s illness, Wilkie had taken up a part-time job to pay the bills, even though Gage had told him to focus on his studies. Now that Wilkes didn’t have a job, he would concentrate on school, right?

  Trying not to worry, Gage called him.

  “Gage?” Wilkie sounded miserable.

  Gage wanted to reach through the phone and hug him. “Hey. How’re you doing?”

  Wilkie sighed. “I’m okay.”

  “Do you still have a roof over your head?”

  No answer. Then, hesitantly, Wilkie replied, “Not for long. I might have to move out of the dorm if I can’t find another job.”

  “Drop the job hunt,” Gage said. “Focus on your schoolwork. You could move back in with Mom and Dad and Debbie, or... maybe you could come live with me.”

  He’d said it because he couldn’t bear the thought of Wilkie wandering around on the streets. But the moment it left his lips, Gage realized it wasn’t the best solution. When Ulric had made Gage the offer, he hadn’t said Gage could invite someone else to room with him. Not only that—the parts of Debbie’s bills that Wilkie couldn’t help with, Gage would have to cover.

  So much for paying double rent next month.

  “Really?” Wilkie sounded hopeful. “You found a new place?”

  Crap. Gage sighed, flopping onto his bed. He stared at the ceiling. “Kinda. I don’t know if I’ll be here long, though.”

  From the corner of his eye, Gage saw Ulric walk out of his office, freezing mid-step. Ulric glanced over; their gazes met. He’d heard Gage, then.

  “When can I move in?” Wilkie asked.

  Gage pinched the bridge of his nose. “Hang on. I’ll check.” He turned to Ulric, feeling sheepish. “My brother’s looking for a place to stay. Would you mind if...?” He gestured around himself.

  Ulric’s throat worked. “Yeah, sure. I mean, go ahead. I don’t mind.”

  “He’ll share my room and everything. I swear he won’t be a bother.”

  Ulric nodded. “You said you wouldn’t be staying long, though?” He sounded disappointed.

  Gage didn’t want to discuss this with Wilkie still on the phone. He patted his mattress, inviting Ulric over. As soon as Ulric sat on Gage’s bed, Gage leaned close, burying his nose against Ulric’s soft side. Ulric always smelled so good.

  “Who’s that?” Wilkie asked.
“Your roommate?”

  Gage rolled over, laying his head on Ulric’s lap. It was firm, warm, and he found that he liked looking at Ulric from this close. “Ulric’s a really good friend. I want him to be my best friend.”

  Ulric blushed. Was he still not convinced?

  Wilkie laughed. “You know, people usually say that about bondmates, not best friends.”

  Gage was damn glad that Ulric couldn’t hear him. “Yeah, well. He’s special.”

  “Stop that.” Ulric scowled.

  Gage only smiled.

  “So when can I move in?” Wilkie asked again.

  “Next week? Give me some time to make space. We’ll have to fit two beds in here.” Gage watched Ulric for a reaction. But Ulric didn’t seem to mind the short notice, either. That was really generous of him. With a smile, Gage tugged up a corner of Ulric’s shirt, kissing his abdomen.

  Ulric froze, sucking in his belly.

  “Don’t do that.” Gage kissed him again, more firmly this time.

  “Ew, Gage. What’re you doing?” Wilkie sounded horrified. “Are those—sex sounds?”

  Gage snorted. “No. It’s kiss sounds.”

  “Ew.” Wilkie gagged. “Not in my ear.”

  Ulric turned red. “I’m leaving.”

  “Is he... an alpha?” Wilkie asked. “You’re kissing him?”

  Gage wrapped his arm around Ulric, shuffling further onto his lap to weigh him down. “No, you aren’t leaving.” To Wilkie, he said, “Yeah, Ulric’s an alpha.”

  “And you’re... kissing him?” Wilkie sounded confused. Hell, Gage would’ve been, too.

  “It’s complicated,” Gage said. “You’ll understand when you meet him.”

  “Huh,” Wilkie said.

  “Anyway, I have to go.” Gage nuzzled Ulric’s belly. “Quit looking for a job for now, all right? I’d rather you focus on your studies. Get that done, and then you can help again when you’ve gotten back on your feet.”

  Were it anyone else, Gage would’ve told them to get another job. But because Wilkie had been worrying about Debbie and the family’s finances, he was having trouble with his grades. The added burden of a job would sink him into a deeper mess.

  Wilkie sighed grudgingly. “Fine.”

  They ended the call, Gage dropping his phone onto the bed. Then he tackled Ulric in a bear hug, pinning him down against the mattress. Ulric yelped. “Hey!”

  Gage leaned over him, grinning. “Thanks for helping. I wasn’t expecting you to.”

  Ulric shrugged self-consciously. “Is your brother in trouble?”

  “He needs a place to stay for a while.”

  “Kind of like you?” Ulric studied Gage; Gage’s cheeks prickled with embarrassment.

  He wasn’t rich like Ulric was. Come to think of it, Gage still had to negotiate a new rental agreement, now that Wilkie was coming to live with them. “I’ll pay the full sixteen hundred for rent,” he said. And after this conversation, he was going to look for a second job. “For me and Wilkes.”

  Ulric frowned. “No, you won’t.”

  Gage scowled. “My responsibility, Muffin. I’ll handle it.”

  Ulric flushed. “I told you, you can live here for free.”

  “My brother, too?”

  That, Ulric didn’t answer.

  “Either way, it’s wrong,” Gage said. “I’ll pay you back.”

  “But you need the money.”

  Gage tried to ignore the burn of his humiliation. He was an alpha. He wanted to provide for everyone he cared about, but he wasn’t earning as much as he needed. And Debbie’s bills never seemed to end.

  “You can pay with other things.” Ulric’s ears turned pink. “Like—Like the hugs. Twenty minutes a day, instead of five.”

  Gage considered it. He’d been hugging Ulric way past the five-minute mark lately. It didn’t even feel like a payment. “You don’t have to, you know. I’ll look for another job.”

  Ulric flushed. “The hugs are worth more to me.”

  “They’re just hugs.” Then another idea struck him. “Say we extend the hugs to twenty minutes. How about I throw in a blowjob every day? More on my days off.”

  Ulric grew so red, he looked like he might burst. “N-no.”

  But he’d loved that one time in the living room. Gage had sucked on him, and Ulric had come so hard, he’d made Gage throb. Hell, the thought of having sex with Ulric every day—that was sending blood between Gage’s legs.

  “Why wouldn’t you want that?” Gage kissed his jaw. “You can ask for anything. You can fuck me, you can knot me, you can tie me up. I’d do it.”

  Ulric bit his lip, looking so tempted that Gage knew it wouldn’t take much more to convince him. “But it’ll change things, won’t it?” Ulric asked. “We wouldn’t be friends anymore.”

  “We will.” Gage linked their fingers, kissing Ulric’s knuckles. “I promise.”

  It was a long moment before Ulric finally said, “Twenty minutes of daily hugs. And—And sex. Once a month.”

  “Just once?” That was disappointing.

  Ulric twitched his shirt down over his belly, unable to meet Gage’s eyes. Gage’s chest burned with anger at the people from Ulric’s past, the kids who’d bullied him, the parents who had never shown him any love.

  It took a lot to break an alpha. And somehow, they’d done it.

  Gage cupped Ulric’s face, turning Ulric to face him. Then he kissed Ulric on the lips, a slow, sweet touch.

  Ulric’s breath hitched; his eyes grew wide. Gage slid his fingers down to Ulric’s throat, and Ulric’s pulse thudded against his fingertips.

  “You’re beautiful,” Gage whispered. He almost felt embarrassed for saying it—he’d been thinking it to himself, keeping it a secret.

  Ulric looked disbelieving. Then, hurt. “I’m not paying you to say shit like that,” he growled.

  “Yeah, precisely.” Gage shoved him against the bed, pinning him down. Then he kissed Ulric again, harder. “I’m doing this because I like you. I’m touching you because I want it. Not because I owe you.”

  Ulric stared, his disbelief growing. “What the hell do you see in me?”

  “I told you. You’re kind. You’re generous. You’re amazing.” And so much more. Gage slid his fingers into Ulric’s hair, pressing their bodies flush together. “You’re fucking sexy.”

  Ulric punched him lightly in the jaw. Pain burst through Gage’s bones, but it didn’t last so long. “You need to get your head checked,” Ulric muttered. “Get off me.”

  “No.” Gage leaned in, trailing kisses down Ulric’s throat. “I jerked off to you last night, you know,” he murmured. “And the night before. The entire week, I’ve been thinking about you. On top of me, under me. You’ve been making me come so hard, babe.”

  That admission made Gage’s ears burn. They were housemates. He’d promised not to push Ulric into a relationship. But he needed Ulric to understand that he was desirable.

  Ulric froze. He blinked hard, looking between their bodies. “Why would you?”

  “Because you’re hot.” Gage reached under Ulric’s shirt, squeezing his pecs. “Mm.” Before Ulric could protest, Gage let his legs fall open around Ulric’s thigh, so his growing length pressed against Ulric’s hip. “There. Feel it?”

  Ulric’s breath hitched. Gage knew he could feel that bulge—it was thickening, eager to push inside Ulric’s pants. Maybe he could slide it into Ulric’s hot tightness again. And now he was hard.

  “Is this some weird kink?” Ulric blurted, his neck red. “Where you like people like—like me?”

  Gage scowled. “Not people like you. I like you.”

  He’d been serious when he’d asked if Ulric wanted to be boyfriends. Hell, Gage had no confidence in relationships, and he was ready to risk this falling apart.

  Ulric stared, speechless. Gage waited for him to understand.

  This wasn’t something he could judge—Ulric was all twisted up inside, and Gage had the feeling it would take
a while to make him confident again. Just like salvaging a snarl of crumpled wires—you couldn’t pull them apart with a flick of your wrist. You had to pluck out every single strand, and hammer them flat so you could work them into a thing of beauty.

  Gage had sat with his sister on many afternoons, helping her straighten out the jewelry wires she’d picked out from somewhere. It was slow work, and it was tough. But the final artwork made it all worth it in the end.

  “What else do I have to say to convince you?” Gage murmured, nuzzling Ulric’s jaw. “You don’t believe that I get hot for you?”

  Ulric hesitated, looking between their bodies. So Gage lifted his hips, he took Ulric’s hand and pressed it flush against his covered cock. Ulric’s palm was warm, a firm pressure. Gage couldn’t help rolling his hips, letting Ulric feel how hard he’d gotten. “All for you.”

  Ulric’s breath rushed out. He tightened his fingers around Gage, sliding them down to Gage’s base, then back up. “Fuck.”

  “Believe me now?” Gage whispered. “No one here but us, babe. I’m not jerking off to porn or pretending I’m with someone else. It’s just me and you.”

  Ulric swallowed audibly, staring at Gage’s hips. So Gage undid his pants, he pulled out his cock, and wrapped Ulric’s hot fingers around it. They both groaned.

  Gage dragged a pillow over, turning Ulric so they both lay on their sides, facing each other. “Do what you want,” Gage said. “If I come, it’s because of you.”

  Ulric’s pupils dilated. He looked at where they touched, Gage’s cock stiff against his fist. Then, slowly, he pumped Gage, back and forth, sending jolts of pleasure up Gage’s spine. Gage swore. Ulric stroked him harder, his own chest heaving, the line behind his pants growing thick.

  Gage thrust into Ulric’s fist, his breath rushing out. “Yeah, like that. Been thinking about you touching me there. You feel good, Ulric. You’re perfect.”

  Ulric growled. But he kept on stroking Gage, he cupped Gage’s tip and flicked his wrist, the friction a blissful surprise. Gage tensed with his impending climax, watching the pleasure on Ulric’s face.