Weight of Everything Read online

She’d told him not to come home until he had one.

  Maybe he didn’t need his phone, after all.

  But it didn’t sit well with him, knowing that it was somewhere out there. Ulric double-checked his house, before turning his car inside-out. He checked the duffel again. And he arrived at the stomach-sinking conclusion that he must’ve left his phone at the gym.

  That bastard was probably still there, secretly laughing at the fat ass who’d fucked up and was a mess enough to drop his phone. Ulric sighed and scrubbed his face. This wasn’t the fresh start he’d envisioned.

  He pulled on some better clothes—a baggy button-down shirt that hid his belly some, and dark pants. At least he knew he looked better this way, than with a clingy T-shirt showing off all the curves he didn’t want to see. He imagined Mr. Handsome’s reaction when he stepped in.

  I shouldn’t care what he thinks. Ulric ignored the thrum of his pulse, the heat creeping up his neck. Why the hell would he fixate on the most handsome alpha around? That was a sure path to heartbreak. Or embarrassment. Or humiliation. Or all of the above.

  He clenched his jaw and made his way back to the gym, praying that Mr. Handsome had gone home for the day. He didn’t breathe until he’d scanned his membership card and stepped in.

  There was one lady behind the receptionist’s desk. Relief filled Ulric’s chest; he hurried over, keeping his head down.

  “Hi!” She smiled. “How may I help you?”

  “I lost my—”

  “Hey, Nan. Do you happen to have—”

  Ulric knew that rumbling voice. His heart sank as he looked up, meeting the eyes of the last person he wanted to see.

  Mr. Handsome raked his gaze down Ulric’s front—head, shoulders, chest—sending tingles through Ulric’s skin. And he straightened, standing taller. Like he needed to.

  Ulric gritted his teeth. He didn’t care that he would lose in every kind of competition to that guy. He wasn’t going to show any damn weakness in front of Mr. Handsome.

  “You first,” Handsome said.

  Ulric narrowed his eyes. “No, you first.”

  “Ah, but you’re a guest.” Handsome waved Ulric toward the receptionist. “Go ahead and help him, Nan.”

  And let him discover Ulric’s fuck-up? “No, it’s fine. I’ll be back later.”

  He turned, striding for the exit. Ulric was about to open the door when someone grabbed his arm. A warm, firm touch.

  Ulric almost swung a punch at him.

  “If you want a fight, I’ll give you a fight,” Handsome growled, his voice raking all the way down Ulric’s spine. “Give me a time and place.”

  Up close, they weren’t so different in height. About the same, although Handsome was maybe a few years older than Ulric’s twenty-seven. And Ulric smelled fresh sweat on him, along with pine and a trace of musk. Had he jerked off during work? What did his cock look like?

  Ulric shoved that thought out of his mind. He didn’t need to know. “Fuck off.”

  “I saw the way you looked at me,” Handsome murmured, his voice sliding into Ulric’s ears like silk. “Fight me. In bed.”

  Ulric’s hole squeezed. Fuck, fuck. He would lose to this man. And it would be glorious. And humiliating. And maybe Ulric wanted to know what that would feel like.

  Handsome huffed triumphantly. “Your place.”

  Desire and wariness twisted through Ulric’s veins. If he let Mr. Handsome anywhere close to his body... he would get laughed out of his own bed. “No.”

  Not just that—maybe this was just a huge joke. Like the time in high school when a pretty alpha had asked Ulric to close his eyes, and instead of kissing him, the boy had slipped away. And Ulric had sat there for a good ten minutes, just waiting.

  He should just retrieve his phone and get the hell out of here. He’d drop this gym crap and find some other way to lose weight.

  Ulric shook off Handsome’s grip and stalked to the reception desk. “I lost my phone earlier. Do you know if it’s here?”

  “Yeah, someone reported a lost phone,” Handsome drawled behind him.

  Ulric bit down his snarl. He didn’t need to be strung along again, and told he wasn’t someone else’s type. “Fuck off,” he hissed.

  Nan looked curiously between them, before focusing on Ulric. “I’ll need to see your driver’s license,” she said.

  Ulric handed it over, feeling the weight of Handsome’s stare. Then, before Nan could take the card away, Handsome leaned closer and rumbled, “You’re from New York. Ulric, huh?”

  The way he said Ulric’s name—no one had growled it all low and seductive before. Ulric’s heart skipped several beats.

  He really needed to leave this place. Before he went and developed a crush on that bastard, and Handsome shattered Ulric’s heart.

  Handsome met his eyes. He was standing so close that Ulric felt the heat rolling off his skin. For a moment, Ulric dreamed about a relationship where he could be happy. Where someone accepted him for who he was.

  “I’ll need you to describe your phone, Mr. O’Neil,” Nan said, breaking that perfect image.

  Ulric sighed and told her. “I’ll even tell you the passcode and everything.”

  Nan looked thoughtful, but she took Ulric’s phone out of a drawer. Ulric’s anxiety eased a little. “We don’t usually require you to unlock the phone as proof,” Nan said.

  “That’s fine. I’ll tell you anyway.” Ulric recited the passcode, waiting for Nan to tap it in. The phone unlocked to display his home screen—with about twenty bright yellow cartoon ducks filling up the background.

  “Oh, those are cute,” Handsome said.

  Ulric didn’t know if he should feel offended; his face heated up anyway. “They’re just ducks,” he muttered.

  “Better than dicks.” Handsome grinned. “That would be awkward.”

  Ulric dragged his eyes away from that man. He needed to leave this place and never return. But if he wasn’t going to return... maybe he could fuck up a bit more. “I don’t even know your name.”

  Surprise flickered through Handsome’s gaze. Then a slow grin spread across his lips. “Gage Frost,” he said, extending his hand. “I’m a personal trainer here. Feel free to schedule an appointment with me. We’ll sort out all your physical needs.”

  Fuck. Ulric’s blood swooped south. He shoved his phone into his pocket, staring at Gage’s hand. He shouldn’t touch it. The less he felt of this alpha, the sooner he’d forget him.

  But Gage’s hand looked strong. Sturdy. And Ulric had been wishing he’d taken Gage’s proffered hand earlier this morning. Just for a bit of touch to tide him through to his next lay.

  What the hell, he told himself. It’s just a handshake.

  He took Gage’s hand. Gage gripped him firmly, his fingers callused, his warmth soaking into Ulric’s skin. Ulric tingled all over. What would Gage’s touch feel like, further down?

  Ulric suppressed all his thoughts, snatching his hand away. “Thanks,” he muttered. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  He left the gym feeling like a coward. Gage hadn’t laughed at him, but... maybe he was doing it in secret. The handsome ones always did.

  Ulric sighed, climbing back into his car. When he got home, he was going to start work—data analysis felt like such a safe place, away from all the tricky social interactions. Ulric sucked with relationships.

  And so he was certainly never returning to that gym, even though he’d paid for a full year’s membership there.

  A month later, he went back.

  It had been a moment of weakness. Ulric had been flipping through the dating apps on his phone, and after much consideration, he’d put up new photos as his profile picture. No one had contacted him—across three different apps. The alphas he’d sent messages to—they didn’t answer him, either.

  Why would they, when there were better-looking alphas around? When people like Gage-fucking-Frost could smile, and half the world would drop their pants?

  Ulric was starting to
get stir-crazy. It had been months since he’d slept with anyone. And even then, sex with Mick hadn’t been all that great—Mick often came first, and he’d left Ulric alone to finish off.

  At least in porn movies, people finished at the same time. Or at least, their partners hung around until they did.

  Feeling awfully lonely, Ulric pulled on his gym clothes—black this time—and packed his duffel.

  He wasn’t exactly sure what he’d do at the gym. Maybe he’d get on one of those bike machine things and pedal until... something happened. And then he would go home.

  He drove to the gym, grabbed his bag, and scanned his card. This time, he made sure to search out the bike machines discreetly. Then he dumped his bag in a locker, grabbed his towel and water bottle, and wove between all the machines, avoiding as many people as he could.

  He found a machine that was furthest from everyone else. Then he sat on the cushioned seat and... stared at yet another complex control panel. Ulric sighed. Why was it so difficult to exercise?

  Before he could spy on his neighbors in an attempt to figure this out, someone stopped next to him. He smelled familiar pine even as the alpha rumbled, “Haven’t seen you here in a while.”

  Ulric’s stomach flipped. He was half-glad for Gage’s presence, and half-annoyed. Did he think Ulric couldn’t figure this out on his own? He turned with a glower. “It shouldn’t matter to you.”

  Gage had his hands in his pockets, his biceps beautiful as ever, his green eyes locked onto Ulric. Years back, Ulric would’ve given anything for an alpha to look at him, smiling like that.

  Now... he figured it was just part of Gage’s job. It felt like he was paying for Gage’s attention. And yet, Ulric still basked in that smile.

  He was so distracted that it took him a moment to notice the shadows under Gage’s eyes. Ulric stared harder. “What’s wrong with you?”

  Gage’s smile tightened. “Aside from the bumps I’m facing, trying to help our new guest?”

  It really wasn’t any of Ulric’s business. Why would someone like Gage confide in him, anyway? So he shrugged, looking back at the bike machine console. “I’m fine.”

  Gage paused. In a lower tone, he said, “Tell you a secret. Use the fancier bike. That one gives you some scenery to ride along to.”

  A fancy machine also meant more buttons to fuck up with. Ulric looked back at his own machine—hell, he didn’t even know how to start this thing.

  “I’ll help,” Gage murmured. He wriggled his fingers discreetly, beckoning Ulric over.

  For a second, Ulric was torn. Then he figured that (1) Gage was a gym employee. It wasn’t as likely for him to make a fool of Ulric in public, and (2) Ulric had the option to go home.

  He heaved himself off the machine and followed Gage to another bike—also set away from the other guests. This one had an extra screen mounted to the top of the control panel. Gage was already pressing buttons even before Ulric sat down—the screen turned on to display a road winding through a beautiful mountainside.

  “Typically, people set goals for a session,” Gage explained quietly. “This button lets you adjust your session duration. There are various resistance levels on this machine—the more resistance you cycle against, the more calories you’ll burn. There are different workout presets, too.”

  Ulric stared. That was... a lot to decide.

  “What are your session goals for today?”

  His insides tightened. “Uh.” It seemed like it’d be a bad idea to say I don’t know. I just came here to get out of the house. So Ulric kept his mouth shut.

  “Here, why don’t we try something easy,” Gage said. “This workout lasts for fifteen minutes. Give it a go. If, by the end of this, you want to do it again, hit this button.”

  He looked at Ulric. Even though it wasn’t a challenge, Ulric sure felt the need to... what, prove Gage wrong? Prove that he could do more than the beginner workout?

  “I’ll get on it,” Ulric said, his neck burning. Bad enough that Gage had to give him the beginner’s talk. “Thanks.”

  He waited until Gage walked away. Then he started the machine, pedaling slowly. Ulric had learned his lesson—no speeding things up until they went out of hand. The video showed him cycling up an incline—at the same time the resistance against his feet increased.

  Ulric stared at the pedals, amazed. He’d tried exercise bikes in the past, but none of them had done this. It felt as though he was actually cycling on a hill. So he looked back at the mountain road video, gaining a new appreciation for it.

  He was sweating slightly by the end of fifteen minutes—but not enough to give up yet. A quick glance around showed that Gage was helping someone else. While he was distracted, Ulric poked around with the buttons, half-expecting one of them to sound an alarm and tell everyone he was fucking up.

  But the machine didn’t do that. He found the list of preset exercise routes; the next easiest route gave him a preview of a mountain road in autumn, full of fire-red leaves. Ulric started the exercise. The pedals had more resistance to them now—nothing Ulric couldn’t handle. He lost himself in the red leaves.

  In fact, he liked the autumn leaves route so much that he started it again, even though he’d told himself to try a more difficult routine next.

  He did the autumn leaves route a third time. Then a fourth time.

  Ulric was starting to wish it were autumn right now, maybe every day of the year, when Gage stopped by next to him. Ulric stiffened.

  “Still here?” Gage gave an easy smile. Ulric thought Gage might scoff. Then Gage said, “You’re doing great.”

  Oh. Ulric knew it was a thing Gage said to everyone at the gym, but that didn’t stop his heart from missing a beat. “I just like the leaves,” he muttered.

  “Yeah, they sure make it real lifelike.” Gage nodded at the screen. “Have you seen the beachfront one? They have some winterscapes, too.”

  Ulric thought about Gage using this same machine, his ass planted on this very same spot. He tried not to fixate on it. “You have a favorite?” he blurted.

  “The one where it takes you through the scenic streets of Europe.” Gage gave a crooked smile. “I’ve never been.”

  Ulric had, on a family trip some time back. It had been beautiful. “Maybe one day.”

  Gage’s smile turned rueful. “Maybe.”

  His answer didn’t sit right with Ulric. Could Gage not afford to go? Ulric had grown up wealthy, but in recent years, he’d seen more of the world, and he’d learned about people who didn’t have the fortune he did.

  Briefly, Ulric wondered how Gage would react if Ulric paid for his trip overseas. Maybe a couple weeks. And then Ulric gave himself a mental smack. What am I thinking? He won’t fall in love with me just because of that. For all I know, he already has a boyfriend.

  Would Ulric pay for Gage and his boyfriend to go traveling? No, probably not.

  There was something very wrong with Ulric, if he was already thinking about shit like that. Furious with himself, he hit the Stop button. “I need to leave.”

  He glanced down to check that he’d grabbed everything, and found the seat damp with his sweat. Ulric grimaced; Gage pointed him to the sanitizing towel dispenser nearby.

  When he got back to the bicycle machine, Gage was still there. Ulric’s stomach flipped. His nerves tingled. He wasn’t anyone special. Why would Gage hang around with him?

  Surprisingly, Gage walked with Ulric to the locker room. His heat brushed into Ulric’s arm, and Ulric fought with his instincts. He wanted more of Gage’s warmth. He wanted to know what it’d feel like when Gage pressed up against him.

  But the more he wanted Gage, the more it would hurt when Gage inevitably rejected him. And Ulric knew his own self-control was shit.

  “You aren’t sleeping well,” Ulric said. Something personal so Gage would get offended and put some distance between them.

  Gage’s expression flickered—he almost scowled. And that was something real, something that wasn’
t supposed to slip through the friendly-employee facade.

  Ulric’s heart kicked. Yeah, that was something he could get behind: burrowing under Gage’s skin, forcing him to lose his cool.

  Fight me, Gage had said a month ago. Ulric had been jerking off, wondering how that would turn out.

  He had no hope of Gage ever liking him. But he sure as hell could get Gage to hate him. And that would land him in Gage’s thoughts more often than not. Ulric’s breath snagged.

  He went for the throat. “So, you can’t afford to travel, huh?”

  Gage stiffened, shock flashing through his eyes.

  “Must be really sad for someone like you,” Ulric continued. “Do you depend on handouts when you go begging?”

  He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. This wasn’t what he’d say even to people he hated. But... he knew his heart, and he knew he was going to fall for Gage Frost, sooner than later.

  Ulric didn’t want his heart broken again. “You think you’re so great, all handsome like that,” he growled. “But you’ll be left with nothing when your looks go away.”

  Anger flashed in those green eyes. It gave Ulric a kick, at the same time a sick feeling twisted through his stomach.

  He was very definitely never returning to the gym. Ulric grabbed his duffel and strode out of the locker room, his heart pounding in his ears.

  I’m fucking up. I’m really fucking up. He didn’t know how he was going to get himself out of this mess.

  But the one thing he knew, was that he’d just saved himself from the heartbreak of the century.

  4

  Gage is in Trouble

  What the fuck, had been Gage’s first thought. Then he’d thought that for the rest of the evening, until he’d gotten off his shift.

  He showered and pulled on some casual clothes—stuff that he’d wear at home, usually. Then he left the gym, squeezed into his car, and tried to ignore the piles of clothes and things piled up in the backseat.

  Screw traveling. Gage didn’t even know when he’d have an actual home again.

  Two weeks ago, he’d moved out, cramming everything he could possibly fit into his car. The rest of his stuff, he’d parked at a self-storage place. Sure, he was earning wages. But he was also paying for his sister’s cancer treatment, and he’d told her not to worry about it. He could manage—she’d had to stop school to undergo chemo. Their parents were already worried about the bills. Their brother, Wilkie, was also helping. The least Gage could do was contribute as much as he could.